The New Testament
by TNT Chicas
Summary: JCS inspired ficcie.Jesus comes back to prepare for the end of the world.....but forgets to tell his friends that they're a part of it too.
1. Magda,Josh,Cooking,and Buttercream

Magda Teriarelli sat at a small,scrubbed wooden table in the small kitchen of the apartment she shared with her 5 friends.Living with 5 other people can get hectic, but for Magda, being around people was what she thrived upon.Especially with 1 of them being her boyfriend, and the rest of them the best friends she'd ever had.Her friends couldn't be described easily, each with a diverse look and personality.But they all gelled together like magic.Krystyn White,Josh Isriot,Delia Isriot (Josh's sister),and Delia's boyfriend who was just moving in.And Christian Nazarini.Her boyfriend.  
  
One of her friends, Krystyn, was frosting a large Devil's Food cake with thick, homemade buttercream icing.She hummed a tune of her own as she spread the thick,creamy,and delicious concotion over the cake.She stopped a moment and her startlingly emerald green eyes eyed Magda annoyedly."Are you going to just sit there,Ria,or start on the chicken cutlets?Yeah,get up.Now."She sighed and tossed her blonde hair,streaked with brown, over her shoulder lightly.She wasn't usually annoyed,her attitude being the bubbliest in the world,but tonight Delia's boyfriend was moving in and the dinner was a special one, and cooking was one of Krystyn's accomplishments.Naturally it would have been a salad dinner on Friday night, because everyone usually had plans to go out somewhere and just needed a quick bite, but this dinner,again, was different.As she stared out the window at New York City, almost pulsing with excitement, she saw a tiny blue car pull up in front of the house and licked a bit of buttercream off the side of her smiling mouth.Josh was home.  
  
Josh walked tiredly up the steps.Really arrogant people shop at Best Buy,he thought,even his thoughts sounding exhausted.As he reached the top floor,he leaned against the door of their penthouse apartment and pushed the door open.He walked in silently, across the cobalt blue geometrically themed living room and collapsed on the couch.He groaned inwardly as he hit his head against the arm of the couch.We need a longer couch,he thought,massaging his head.A call from the kitchen interrupted his thoughts."Get in here and make the salad dressing!We will not be unprepared when this guy gets here."  
  
Magda put a bottle,olive oil,and a mish-mash of herbs on the counter beside Krystyn.She grinned."You heard the woman, get to making the salad dressing.Hep,two three,four."Josh saluted."Yes,ma'am."Then he turned to Krystyn and smiled."Not even a hello?"Krystyn smiled back and hugged Josh."You had better be nice to this guy."She whispered in his ear.Josh pulled away and began making the dressing."How could I not?Me and Chris aren't outnumbered anymore.I'm ecsatic, to put it lightly."The door opened behind them."I don't even have to ask who that is.Put the chips out, Delia."Josh said, without even turning around.Just like Josh had said, Delia walked over and slapped Josh in the back of the head."Idiot."She grabbed the chips and muttered "I dunno how they stand him..." as she placed them on the table."I'm going to my room to change."She turned and went down the hallway.Magda put they cutlets in the Cajun marinade,let them get all marinated, and went off to change,too.Krystyn eventually did the same.Josh just stood there, corked the bottle of dressing and ran his fingers through his hair."They always ditch me somehow..." 


	2. Scott's Arrival

Scott Zeales pulled his Focus up to the apartment building and nervously checked the address. Delia had warned him that her twin brother was exactly like her, and therefore he should be scared. Very scared. After subjecting his blond, spiked hair to a thorough inspection, resisting the urge to drive home right then and there by reminding himself of Delia, he parked. Anyone who thinks he was over-reacting obviously hasn't met Delia.  
  
Delia Isriot was sarcastic, paranoid, and had a temper that neither a woman scorned or hell could match. And, if you listened to her twin, those were her good qualities. Why, then, was she so well liked? Who knew? Scott sure couldn't put his finger on it. Delia was Delia. She could be kind of intimidating, to say the least, but she was also clever witty, dramatic, and fiercely loyal. And she could play a mean prank. So perhaps it was her mischievousness that endeared people to her. Of course, Delia didn't always like the people who liked her. Not even half. But Scott was one of those few people who didn't earn her loathing. Quite the opposite. The other 'chosen ones' we have already met, but let's go over them, shall we?   
  
First, there was Josh, Delia's twin. Both shared raven locks, although Delia's were longer and softly curled, scary tempers, and a dislike of the general population. Both had the same personality, but as Josh was a minute older and 'the almighty male', he was dead overprotective.   
  
Then there was Christian. How to describe Christian is one word? Pious. The devout 'goody-two-shoes' normally would have royally pissed off Delia and Josh alike, but somehow they formed a friendship. Christian was the sort who nursed lost kitties back to health and was almost disgustingly kind. He also went to Mass every day, and got very mad whenever someone broke a commandment. The only reasons Delia and Josh are still living is because: a). Anyone unstable enough to try and harm either of the two would find themselves being spontaneously thrashed by two very lethal siblings, and b). Thou shall not kill.  
  
Next came Magda, a wild, runaway suburban princess and slight ditz. Magda was wild, unpredictable, and mildly insane. It was no wonder she ditched the quiet life of living it large in small town suburbia for Atlantic City. God knows how she fell in love with Christian, though.  
  
Not to be forgotten, Krystyn was Delia's best friend and Josh's 'soul mate' (Gag.) Krystyn was another one who could have easily earned Delia's scorn, with her bubbly, warm, chatty nature. Thank the Lord she also had a temper, and a playful side, too.   
  
And Scott. Scott was, besides Josh, the only one not to be disarmed by Delia's glare. He was just as fierce as Delia, with a knowledge of weapons so large, he nearly became a bodyguard. Scott prided himself in being a rebel. There was only one thing. Scott was a hopeless romantic; a fact not helped by him being head over heels in love. Scott was the sort known to go all out for love. Which was the only reason he was walking up those stairs.  
  
Back to the present. Scott reached to knock, then stopped himself. Then reached to knock again, coming through this time and angrily berating himself of being so frightened over a girlfriend's brother. The people who said he had what it took to be a bodyguard had obviously lied; he was a coward. Then he thought of a pissed off Delia, multiplied by ten. Maybe not.   
  
His musings were interrupted when the door swung open to reveal a pair of deep, obsidian eyes staring at him. The eyes in question belonged to a face that looked almost exactly like Delia's, except for the fact that was male. His arms were crossed and his face clearly said, 'Impress me.' The man seemed to remember his manners, forced his face into a smile that looked rather painful, and stuck out his hand. "I'm Josh."  
  
Scott warily took it, "Scott Zeales."  
  
Scott could have sworn a demonic glint flashed in his eyes before they hastily became blank.  
  
"So," Josh said casually, leaning against the doorpost,"Let's hope you're better than the others."  
  
"Others?"  
  
"Yeah, all the other guys Delia's brought home."Seeing Scott's blank look, he continued, "What, you don't know? Deils is a rather hot commodity for the local men. You must be the, I don't know, thirty-seventh since we moved here? No, sorry, I forgot Bill, thirty-eighth."  
  
"Joshua Gareth Gregory Isriot, if you're terrorizing Scott you're in for a slow and painful death!!" Delia's furious voice interrupted Josh before Scott could get more irritated. He may have been nervous, but he wasn't stupid! He absentmindedly patted the Sig Sauer he had carried around ever since he found out what a striking resemblance he bore to a guy who had a lot of debts to the Mob.   
  
Josh was violently thrown from the doorway to a couch conveniently located at the other side of he room. Delia appeared, her face still red from anger, but her turquoise eyes sparkling with warmth.   
  
"Hi, sorry about that psychopath, my brother's a little overprotective-"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Sure, Josh, and I'm calm, sweet, and boring." This came from a tall African-American woman striding over from what Scott assumed to be the kitchen. Josh snorted. The woman stretched out her hand.   
  
"I'm Magda."  
  
"Is he here yet?" This came from a small blond woman hopping down the stairs, attempting to simultaneously brush her hair, put her left shoe on, eat a bagel, and apply lipstick.  
  
"Hello, will anyone answer me?" The female trailed off as she caught sight of Scott, stuffed the remains of the bagel into her mouth, threw the lipstick onto the coffee table along with the brush, brushed all crumbs off her person, and stuck out her hand, all in one fluid motion. Scott vaguely wondered why the lady's picture wasn't in the dictionary under "Multi-tasking" before his hand was grasped firmly.  
  
"I'm Krystyn, Krystyn White."  
  
He barely had time to utter a 'Scott Zeales' before the door burst open behind him and man with ridiculously long, wavy blond hair walked in, saying, "Sorry I'm late, Father Hobbleton had a long sermon, but it was very interesting, about his thoughts on the Trinity, I'm not sure I agree, but he is a very..brilliant man." He then caught sight of Scott, smiled brilliantly, and said, "And who is this child of God? I'm Christian Nazarini."  
  
After staring bewilderedly at the hand, thinking that these people must have very strong arm muscles to shake everyone's hand like that, Delia jokingly bopped the man on the head.   
  
"Come on Chris, you know Scott was moving in today!"  
  
"Oh,yeah. Well, Scott, welcome to the gang!" Scott fleetingly wondered if that was a good thing before he was dragged off the dining room for dinner. 


	3. AMEN,ALLELUIA

Delia sat at the end of the table and continuously reassured Scott that Christian and Magda were sane, Krystyn was not a control freak, just a tad eccentric, and that Josh was not plotting malicious ways of killing him.Not quite as reassured as he would have liked to be,he ate the salad placed in front of him with a frightened air, because Krystyn had announced that Josh had made the dressing.Delia nudged him in the shoulder."C'mon, he hasn't poisoned any of my boyfriends yet."  
  
She smiled in an uncharacteristically bright way."And I think you're a keeper!"Scott stared down at his salad, analyzing everything in it....just because he wasn't quite sure,with look he was being given.  
  
Christian was talking everyone's ears off by trying to explain why "deity" was an innapropriate name for God, because it had something to do with an ancient Hindu fish.  
  
"It is really the term for a 'false god'.And that is why-"Josh threw his hands in the air in frustration."God, thank you!It's all over!Thank you for your sermon, Father Christian.Oh,Jesus."Christian's teeth chattered nervously at the mention of Jesus and allowed his hands to fall on the table and shake the whole thing."Uh...don't use his..oh, forget it..."  
  
Krystyn fell accross the table to grab Josh's teetering glass of wine just as Christian leaned across the table to also steady Josh's glass ("The Blood!The precious Blood!Save it, all ye who live!"), just as Delia went to grab the basket of rolls.The combination turned out to be quite nasty, and Christian grabbed the basket of rolls and Josh's glass while Krystyn fell on top of Josh and Delia face-first into the Cajun chicken cutlets,   
  
"Now this is the kind of the thing Deils tells me about!"Scott said happily, nodding as Delia removed her face from the cutlets and Krystyn removed herself from Josh.Christian was praying as he held the rolls and wine up to the ceiling."THE BODY OF CHRIST!" He roared raising them up so that he was standing on his toes.A chorus of "AMEN, ALLELUIA!"Followed this, just to humor the poor guy.  
  
Scott helped Delia into the bathroom to clean her face as Josh got up and stood feverishly in the hallway by the door.Krystyn sat on the floor with her eyes glazed over and teary.Christian was still praying.Magda looked completely nonplussed and grinned.  
  
"That was fun!Let's do it again!" 


	4. Pillow Fighting

Delia sputtered for several minutes before letting out an animalistic growl of "NO!" Josh grinned.   
  
"I dunno, I kinda liked it." He winked at Krystyn, who promptly buried her face in her hands. Delia settled for promptly whacking him with a pillow, starting an all out pillow war where everyone participated, except for Christian, who ran around wailing, "Such violence! Cease and desist!" and Krystyn, who ran around wailing, "No! You're ruining everything!" until Magda gave her a face-full of chenille, at which she followed the age old advice of, 'If you can't beat 'em, do some damage.' Christian then was attacked by everyone simultaneously, forcing him to kowtow to the power of pillow. Josh, Delia, and Scott were declared the winners because no one was stupid to have any tiebreaker matches between them. The twins were evenly matched, Scott wouldn't dare touch Delia, and everyone credited themselves with the intelligence not to pair Josh and Scott together in any kind of competition.  
  
Josh, sore about not getting the chance to wup Delia and maim Scott, attacked Delia from behind and began to tickle her mercilessly. This was stupid, because Delia was vulnerable at that moment, so therefore her pride suffered a blow, so therefore she was steamed, and had good reflexes and a hatred of being touched besides. Josh had attacked in a moment of emotion, which let Delia throw him halfway across the room before he registered the fact that she had done so. Josh then lunged for Delia, grabbed Scott, who had stepped in front of his girlfriend (oblivious to the fact that fake wrestling matches were the highlight of the apartment's resident's lives), and started an all out brawl.   
  
Christian immediately yelled furiously, "STOP!" Scott, surprised at 'Father Christian' showing anything remotely similar to an un-virtuous emotion, immediately dropped his fist. Josh was smart enough to know never to argue with Christian on matters of violence, and he valued his breath enough not to waste it. He let go of Scott's other fist, which he was in the process of jerking behind Scott's back, and accidentally felt the cool metal of a gun. Josh wasn't stupid; this was New York City, and if someone wanted to be armed, good for them and their smarts.  
  
"Better not let Christian see that," he muttered, relying on Christian's vehement scolding to drown out his voice.  
  
Scott nearly grimaced at the thought, but upon remembering this man was the enemy, he covered it with a cool mask of indifference.  
  
Josh, meanwhile, was rethinking the sissy he had first labeled Scott as. He could grow to like this guy; he seemingly had guts, and he had observed that if Scott hadn't lost it in that fight, Josh was pretty sure his chances of prevailing were about as slim as Magda hoped to be at the end of each diet. Anorexic.   
  
Scott's impression of Josh was rapidly changing, too. Now that he thought about it, the only crime he was guilty of was being just like Delia, and a bit like he, Scott, too. Slow to trust, more prone to violence than friendliness. And, if he wasn't mistaken, a hand of friendship had been offered, or at least as close to one as could be expected. This Josh guy was shaping up to be decent. There was one thing, though. Sniggering, he muttered, "Gareth?" The only response was a light, friendly punch on the arm and a grin, the former of which started Christian on another rant.  
  
***  
  
Observing things in the penthouse, God chuckled, gasped, and was properly upset at all the right times, just like any good audience. When 'The Boyfriend' and 'The Brother' finally reconciled, however, He was especially ecstatic. "The last of my chosen ones, sealed in friendship at last!" The Divine Creator winced as Christian's speech got louder, then He broke into a smile.   
  
"Go get 'em, Son!" 


	5. And Then There Was Scott

Scott walked around the house that night with a bland expression on his face, observing everything:The girls' rooms,the boy's room, the two seperate bathrooms,living room,dining room,spare rooms,and kitchen.He noticed that every room had a small 2-foot fridge in it, and in the bedrooms, three fridges, each with a name on it and that person's favorite foods in it.Guess who did that?  
  
As he strode casually into the kitchen he found Krystyn and Delia,conversing glumly."I think we scared him away..."Delia muttered, a smile twitching at her lips.Krystyn sighed."Stop it,Deils!It was a huge monstrosity.Fun,almost,but a major catastrophe." She sighed."I'll be in our room."Delia put her head down on the table."I can't sleep in there tonight.By-Golly-Miss-Magda is pissing me off."Krystyn rolled her eyes."You aren't kidding...."She turned and left.  
  
Delia and Scott chatted for a while,Delia giving Scott a full explanation for everything, and just as Scott was about to kiss Delia goodnight, a lime-green glowing ruler stopped him.Josh, (of course) held the ruler and smiled."Buh-bye."He said with a mock-smile.Delia glared so venemously at him before she stood up that,if looks could kill, he would be in itty bitty pieces on the floor.She kicked him hard in the shins and walked away,leaving him to rub his legs and then realize that the pain was in his shins.The feeling of utter disgust that he had done that drove him into his bed.To stew in his own juices.And then,maybe fall asleep.  
  
That night,Scott woke up to loud yells of "Yo homie!Wuz happnin'?We got some rockin homies up in da HIZZOUS!"and the shower.He rolled over to see Josh,whose eyes were open and staring at him as though he had an acidic gaze and would burn holes through his back."Lemme guess....Magda?"Josh stoicly nodded and rolled over."She does that every Saturday night.Get used to it,pal."Scott rubbed his forehead.It was going to be interesting,living here.  
  
He only had one question.  
  
Just how long were he and Delia going to live there?  
  
"I know what you're thinkin',man.I was 16 when I bought this apartment.First it was Chris and I,then Chris has to fall for Magda.Magda,of all people.And then Krystyn moved in,then Deil needed some place to live."He rolled over to face him again,his gaze acid again."And then you."He sighed."I hope you're the last one."He rolled over again "Go to sleep.You'll get used to it."  
  
"YO,FAT JOE,WUZ CRACKIN???" 


	6. Kicks,Punches,and Freaky Cats

Scott awoke the next morning at precisely 5:47 to the HONK of a bicycle horn. The bicycle horn in question was attached to Delia's arm, which was, thankfully, attached to Delia.   
  
"Wha-who-huh?" Scott muttered, not entirely coherently.  
  
"Articulate as always, my prince. Get up!" Failing to yank him out bed, she switched tactics and gently kissed him on the nose. "Rise and shine, sweetheart." Josh had been awake the moment Delia had opened the door, both twins being light sleepers. He had feigned sleep up 'til now, but the shock of seeing a sweet Delia spurred him into the land of the living.   
  
"Pardon my bluntness, but Delia, what the hell?!?!?" Delia raised one eyebrow, in the way that, try as Josh might, only she could do. "I was wondering when you would speak up. Sorry, Josh, but you're a sucky actor if that 'Don't-Look-At-Me-I'm-Asleep' façade is the best you got. Anyway, with The Most Holy Christian breathing down my neck, hell'll freeze over 'fore I get the chance to show Scott my room." 'Watching realization dawn on Josh's face is fun-wait, what is with that smirk…?' Delia thought, before blowing the horn clutched in her hand in Josh's ear. Ignoring Josh's horrified/hurt looks, she continued, "No! Get your mind out of the gutter! No, I'm just showing him. Like I'm gonna show you a close-up of my fist if you don't stop laughing!" Seizing a not entirely wakeful Scott, Delia stalked out as gracefully as possible with a semi-conscious grown man in tow.   
  
"Delia, -" Scott was interrupted as they reached a door where a star and 'DELIA' in classic dressing room style were nailed, and it was unceremoniously thrown open. Scott's question caught in his throat. "Wow. You sure, um, put a lot of effort into your room," he said, glad he had woken up sufficiently enough to remember "You sure wasted a lot of time on this place, since it's an apartment." was not a good thing to say to Delia.   
  
Indeed, a lot of effort had been put into the room. A mural of the city skyline at night had been painted on the walls and ceiling, with twinkly lights for stars and a round, bright circular light for the moon. The bed had a black gauze canopy, with a purple comforter, black and indigo pillows, and a sleek black cat currently snoozing on it. The huge window with indigo gauze curtains gave a spectacular view of the sunrise. The furniture consisted of an indigo painted desk/bookcase on which a purple iMac, black TV and phone softly hummed, a black dresser on which a propped up print of 'Starry Night' and various gewgaws (black, purple and midnight blue, of course) including several of Krystyn's homemade craft projects and some odd modern picture frames sat; a vanity which Delia swore she bought just to have a black piece of furniture; and a night stand painted all three colors on which some very odd-looking modern pieces were perched (and several secret compartments were housed). A black director's chair with the same motif as the door painted on the back was in one corner; in the opposite, black spiral iron stairs wound up to a skylight that opened to the roof. The carpet was cut into three concentric rectangles of purple, indigo, and black.   
  
"And how much did this cost?" Delia grinned.  
  
"Well, Magda painted the walls and furniture, Josh hooked up the lights, which are, by the way, just white Christmas lights, the carpet I cut and sewed back together, and the accessories are from some really good, inexpensive online store."   
  
"Ah. Who's the cat?"As if on cue, the cat yawned, opened one eye, decided the two-legged visitors to her room were beneath her notice, and went back to sleep again.  
  
"Oh, that's Jezebel." Seeing Scott's questioning glance, she elaborated, "Well, seeing as she already freaks people out, I decided to further her creepy attributes." "And the attitude?" Delia shrugged. "Cats were worshipped as gods thousands of years ago. They haven't forgotten yet." Scott snickered. "I think I'm going to like this place." "Why's that?" "Cause, not only does it house Delia, it houses a male version of Delia and a feline version of Delia!" Delia gave a wry smile, then pushed him out the door. "Alright you, go back to bed, God knows you could do with some sleep. Go on, shoo." And so Scott found himself back in bed.  
  
Sighing, Delia wriggled into some workout clothes, then went into the living room and started practicing her sort of boxing/Tai Kwan Doe/street-fighting/kick-boxing blend of fighting that she termed simply, 'ass-kicking'.   
  
After several minutes, Scott decided there was no way he was going to fall back asleep, so he meandered to the living room to get to the kitchen just as Delia spun around in a roundhouse kick.   
  
"AAH!" Scott leapt back just in time to save his neck from becoming the uppermost part of his body.  
  
Josh, knowing full well what Scott would run into, was standing just behind him, laughing hysterically.   
  
"Wow, Deil, you're losing your touch. He's still got his head!"  
  
"Screw you, Josh."  
  
"Sorry, Delia, but what are you doing?" This came from a very shell-shocked Scott. Josh sneered good-naturedly. "She always gets up at this un-godly hour to 'work out'" he replied, making finger quotation marks at the appropriate time.  
  
"Oh." Scott realized that not only was living here going to be wacky, it was going to be dangerous too. Oh, joy. 


	7. Firm,not fluffy

After restling through a night of loud hip-hop shouts,via Magda,and Delia's incessant wall-kicking,Krystyn sleepily opened her eyes to a blast of color.Namely,the mound of pillows covering her face.  
  
Krystyn loved Paris.Couldn't get enough of it. And that's the only thing her room reflected.Besides an obsession with Moulin Rouge,that is.Her room faded from dawn to night all around, with a cityscape of Paris (Eiffel Tower,etc.) and in the ending part,night,A completely lit-up Moulin Rouge painted on the wall, courtesy of Magda the Homie.Her window had been torn out,replaced by a large heart shaped hole with gold latticework and a gold chain across it with a heart in the center.Her funiture was ivory colored.Her bed, which was her second favorite thing in the room(hey,it had to compete with a heart shaped fire escape!), The colors in it were bright:red,orange,and pale purple.An assortment of those colors in pillows and a large red silk bedspread were below the multi-color canopy.  
  
Yeah.It was a nice place to wake up.Really nice.  
  
She hopped out of bed, not looking in the mirror but grabbing a hairbrush and stepping inside her closet.Yes,I said that right.She stepped inside her walk-in-closet,turned on the light, and sat down at the Red Apple Imac (which Delia had mysteriously installed Windows on) she stowed among the countless articles of clothing and her exact copy of the red dress Nicole Kidman wore in Moulin Rouge.Well, it wasn't really stowed.Everyone knew it was there.It was just....in a walk-in-closet.That's all.She flicked the power button to the ON position and waited.  
  
Downstairs,Magda was happilly pouring pancake batter into a hot pan as Christian poured everyone a glass of orange juice."I can't believe we're actually cooking in a...un-rushed way!Because whenever Krystyn's here,we're always zooming all around...isn't that what race cars do?I like race cars,Chris!"Christian held up a hand to stop her."Stop your babbling,O Child Of The Father!"She looked slightly offended, but continued making pancakes.Unusually quietly.  
  
"Food...I need food..."said Scott quietly, his head looking stuck to the table.His eyes looked as though they were only kept open by the fact that he was hungry.As Magda placed a plate in front of him he shot up, back ramrod straight, and eyes wide open."Hallelujah!'He yelled,digging into his pancake wildly.Christian smiled."Finally,one who understands the true meaning of the word.Hallelujah,my brother!Hallelujah!"Josh shot Scott yet another killing stare."I hate you."Magda held her plate up absentmindedly."Quick Scotty!Kill 'im with your hair!Spear him!You know,I don't like broccoli.And broccoli comes in spears.You know, I used to say "Britney Spearses name should be broccoli.Wouldn't that be funny?"She caught a falling pancake in mid-air and said simply-"Fluffy,huh?"  
  
Krystyn strode in,muttering something about pancakes being firm and not fluffy but grabbing the pancake from Magda anyway.Magda went off on a rave about a teensy piece of pancake looking like the night sky,causing Scott and Josh to have to hold Delia back.Magda frowned."I'm gonna go take a long bath.Bye bye."She turned out of the room and hurried to the girls' bathroom.  
  
This was not a simple bathroom by anyone's standards.In fact, it was downright complicated to look at.The walls were blue and glazed over, and the tile was white and blue.A large bath almost like a pool was sunken into the middle with a circular graffitied cabinet on the ceiling above it.The taps were bubble bath + water,but the tub was special in an unseen way,though.The bottom of it was not stone, but a water filled mattress with a thick rubber coating over it.It was an interesting feeling, to be in water and walking on it,too. In the right corner a large glass bubble in a shower curtained enclosure stood, with three seperate shower heads and a stone bench inside.The shower curtain was something Magda had chosen, with various blocks of color all over it with sayings in them like "scrubbin' away","naked + happy","aren't i cute?"...etc.A long counter filled with cabinets and sinks ran along the other wall.A small door led to a tiny toilet room.In the back left corner, across from the bubble,was another shower curtained enclosure, but more interesting.An exclusive 48 Pack of Bathtub Crayons were on a rack on the wall and a bunch of small holes were on the bottom.A keypad was on the wall directly across from the crayons.If you pressed any of them,water squirted,misted,sprayed,and flooded out of the holes on the foor.(Around the bottom there was a plastic lining so no water got out).It was fabulous.  
  
After Magda had bathed (well, that took an hour),Magda dressed and decided she needed some money from the bank (for what,exactly, she didn't know).She walked out, actually not saying a word to anyone, and hopped in her tiny red foreign car.Bank,here I come. 


	8. The true joys of Hallelujah

Meanwhile, the residents of the apartment who had not decided to randomly drive out on unnecessary errands had finished breakfast and cleaned up, miraculously without and fights and/or mishaps. However, Scott had learned that most likely meant a bigger calamity would come. And he seriously did not want to be there when it happened, so he resigned himself to packing.   
  
While Scott was not rich, he sure did have a lot of stuff. Sighing, he went into the gigantic guys' room (sexist females!), and braced himself for what he was sure would be history's longest unpack session ever. Which, of course, it wasn't, but Scott would never admit to that. Although his many hair care products did take a lot of time to load into the bathroom cabinet.   
  
Just as he was smoothing the wrinkles out of his camouflage duvet, Christian waltzed in, took one look at his army-themed nook of the bedroom, and nearly screamed.   
  
"Goodness! And I thought you were a decent Catholic! Look at this! It's all'violence-oriented!'" Christian allowed time for the full weight of his displeasure to sink in before launching into a lengthy anti-violence speech, which had something to do with having given up on Delia and Josh and Scott should be a good example and what happened to the man who knew the joys of 'Hallelujah!'? Halfway through, Josh appeared in the doorway, trying to hold in his laughter. When Scott frantically signaled for Josh to get him outta there, he merely shrugged and gave a look that clearly read, 'It's out of my hands, but it sure is entertaining.' The fact that the lecturing entertained Josh sealed the knot. He wasn't going to take this. And so World War III began.  
  
****   
  
Delia lounged back in the living room sofa, surveying as much of the first floor of the apartment as possible. She was coming to love this place, and she hadn't even lived here too long. For her to love anything (besides Scott) in this amount of time had to be a record. But really, who could blame her? It was pretty nice. The gang had opted for jazzing up the place a bit rather than live in a house without lots of funky things. Magda and Krystyn had fought for months (or so she was told) over who got play interior decorator. It had ended up being both.   
  
Just then, Gigi, the other animal occupant of the apartment sashayed up to Delia and daintily dropped a bright red rubber ball onto her lap. Delia grimaced. The judges of the 'Snobbiest Pet' award would be hard pressed to choose between Gigi and Jezebel, although, in her opinion, Jezebel could beat that insufferable mutt in anything and everything. Her opinion wasn't influenced at all by the fact that she owned Jezebel, of course. Delia threw the ball, fervently wishing it would fall out the window and off the fire escape, and watched the black French poodle elegantly rush after it. (How the dog managed, no one will ever know.) Delia had decided to ponder how the heck two animals living in a penthouse apartment could have such high-class attitudes when Krystyn came in.  
  
"Hey Delia, d'you by any chance happen to know if Magda keeps a diary?"  
  
"Nooo." she replied, in the tones of someone who isn't quite sure the person in front of her is sane, and doesn't want to push her luck. Krystyn, seeing this, reassured her.  
  
"See, I figure, the only way I'm ever going to understand her is to get some insight to her psyche. Then I can charge Josh, Scott and Christian for translating Magda-ese. If you help me find it, I'll give you some of the proceeds." Delia's ears perked up at the words 'give' and 'proceeds'.   
  
"I'll help, but do you really think Magda would write in, or for that matter, even do anything on a regular basis, besides her 'Homie' routine, of course." Krystyn visibly deflated.  
  
"No, I guess not." She brightened. "But maybe if we search her room, we can find a clue to the inner Magda." Her voice took on a dreamy tone towards the end. Delia quirked an eyebrow.   
  
"Have you been watching that weird psycho-thingy channel again?" Krystyn looked highly affronted.  
  
"No!" Delia studied he face.  
  
"You lie."  
  
"What? How can you tell- I mean, no I don't!" Delia gave her trademark 'Ha! I knew I was right!' look, and grinned.  
  
"Your lips. They always twitch when you lie."  
  
"Do not!"  
  
"Wanna bet? I can call the cable company." Krystyn sighed and admitted defeat.  
  
"Okay, yeah. They had a special on aromatherapy, and after that, I was hooked!" She lowered her voice, "I think they send subliminal messages or something, 'cause I was like, in a trance, or something! Don't tell Chris!" Delia laughed at the trance part, but agreed not to tell Christian. Silently, they crept into Magda's room. Or, at least Delia was silent.  
  
"Ouch! Stupid rug!" Krystyn glared at the rug as if it were solely responsible for her fall, then hoisted herself up and gazed around at Magda's room in awe.  
  
It was an awe-worthy kind of place. The walls were painted a different color each (lavender, yellow, sea green, and pale pink) and splattered in various other shades. The paint was of the special magnetic kind, and magnetic letters spelled out odd phrases, a good deal of them having to do with giraffes and paperclips. The white carpet looked as if Magda had taken buckets of dye and spilled them in colorful, loopy patterns, which, in truth, she probably had. The bedspread was dyed in splotchy patches that couldn't really be called tie-dye. An easel and canvas with multicolored dots painted on it resided in the corner, and furniture was oddly shaped, modern pieces made of a light-colored wood. A calendar labeled Phunny Phrases displayed the page for several months before, and some of the knick-knacks looked dangerous. Magda's fish named swam merrily in her miniature shopping mall that sat at the bottom of her tank. A red fuzzy butterfly chair faced the window, which was cut in a squiggle. All in all, the room was eccentric as Magda.   
  
"No wonder the landlord hates her," Krystyn breathed, staring at the window, carpet, and walls. Delia nodded, thinking it strange they had never ventured into Magda's room. She had guarded it like a fortress, and they had never thought to invade when she was out. Plus, the Mr. Bubbles doorbell always kind of scared them off. But still.   
  
Snapping out of her trance, Delia began rummaging through the nightstand. Krystyn took the desk.   
  
"AAH!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"It bit me!" Krystyn shook off a pair of wind-up chattering plastic teeth.  
  
Delia rolled her eyes and continued searching, careful to put everything back in its proper place. She was soon interrupted, however, by another yell.  
  
"What's that?" Krystyn shrugged  
  
"I dunno."  
  
The two raced into the guys' room and found the source, namely, two red-faced, pissed off males called Christian and Scott.   
  
"Angry men," remarked Delia, "How fun." 


	9. Stifling Corsets and More Revelations

Magda stood in the bank line with 5 dollars clutched in her hand.She had wanted something to do, and, being bored, she had decided to deposit 5 bucks into her bank account.Her mind,however, was on other things."I need to feed Donatella...."she murmured,talking about her fish, which she had named after her idol, Donatella Versace.Half her clothes came from there, so why not name her fish Donmatella as a monument?By the way, what did monument mean again?  
  
The bank teller snapped his fingers to get her attention.She let out a long "Bwooooo...."and looked suprisingly apologetic."Sorry,dude, I was thinking that I need to feed my fish cuz, well, Donatella Versace can't go hungry!" She looked slightly desperate, and the man gave her a rather humor-the-madman type glance before saying "How may I assist you?"  
  
Magda smiled."I wanna deposit my five dollars.Here."She handed the hand the money, which was tied in a rhinestone studded rubber band for no apparent reason.He glanced at her again and untied the money."Here's your hair ribbon, lady."Magda rolled her eyes.How could she wear a rubber band in her hair?She'd never find it again!The man asked her for her name."Magda Teriarelli."she said proudly.His eyes widened considerably."Lady, yer a multi-billionare!You've hit you're limit, sorry."Magda looked confused."But last time I checked all I had in there was 100.I must be really lucky.You know, my pants say lucky on them." The man nodded."Okay...so,uh....bye."She stepped out of line, still looking thoroughly confused.She walked out, feeling like she was in Donatella's bubble factory store in the mini-mall she bought for her fish."Freaky...doodles."She hopped in her car, looked at the graffitied seatcovers in both the front and back of the car, the red maribou steering wheel, the tiny fuzzy red pillows in the backseat...how could she be a multi-billionare?And.......hey,look!Somebody wrote lucky on the seatcovers,too!  
  
------------------------------------*  
  
Krystyn and Delia tentatively stepped past a hysterically laughing Josh (well, Delia stepped past him, Krystyn stood beside him, too afraid to enter) and into a war zone.Another loud shout caught their ears and all 5 rushed in to see Magda, smiling brightly."Hey, Chris!I think they're turning air into money, cuz I'm a multi-billionare!Hee hee!Let's go out to dinner!My treat!WAHOO!"Christian looked slightly guilty, a look not commonly worn by the Almighty One.Then he gave a tentative smile."Um...yeah.Dinner..food...yeah."  
  
Krystyn smiled."So,where are we going?Some place vere schwanky, I imagine." Magda looked delirious."Mhhhm!That new place, Le Fellini Cafe.It's super fancy.I'm gonna go change!!!!!YAY!"Krystyn stared after her with a look of amusement."Yeah...we all had better change.I heard going to this place is like going to the Oscars!I wonder what i'll wear..."Delia rolled her eyes.Getting dressed up was never a good thing.As she watched each male walk away to get dressed looking as they were going to the guillotine, and meandered into her room.Her closet beckoned and she swung the door open unceremoniously.Ugh.  
  
A half hour later the guys emerged from the room, wearing dress pants and a nice shirt.They weren't sure just when the girls would come out, and were wondering how they'd look, when Magda burst out of her room."Eat your heart out,Marilyn Monroe."She said confidently as she took a tentative step forward and tripped over her heels.Her dress was short and red, with a golden flowered corset bodice.Her hair was piled atop her head with a large gold flower pinned in it.She looked Oscar-worthy.  
  
Next to come out was Delia.Her dark hair cascaded down her back and she wore a dark purple gown that tied in the back from the waist up.She scowled."Don't gawk,Scott.You've seen me dressed up before."She dropped onto a chair beside Scott, looking thoroughly annoyed that she was doing this.It was just food.Krystyn could probably make better dinner than snobby chefs ; why did they need to get so dressed up for it?She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.Society had problems.  
  
Last to come out was Krystyn.Her hair was released from it's usual ponytail and hung in waves.Her dress was the very same gown Nicole Kidman had worn in Moulin Rouge in a smaller size, and it look stunning.Red silk and corseted, it had normal straps and was low cut.Josh gaped."Hi.I'm...Josh.Hi."Krystyn bent over laughing but stopped in midd-giggle."Ow."She sat beside Josh."Ow."  
  
Christian stood up and grabbed Magda's wrist."Let's go, c'mon, out the door..."They wasted no time.Krystyn jumped (or rather, wheezed) into Josh's blue Focus, Magda hopped in Christian's old Woody stationwagon (he needed to live humbly, he said), and Delia stepped into Josh's Hummer.They all drove (raced,really) to Le Fellini and, after Magda had bribed the doorman with a 500 dollar bill,went in, and were seated immeadiately.Krystyn wheezed again."I believe my dress is stifling me..."She held herself up painstakingly.It hurts...  
  
Christian looked extremely guilty, at which point Delia grabbed his wrists, held them to the table, and looked directly at him."Spill it, Jesus boy.What's going on?" Christian looked as though he would throw up."I uh...I..."Krystyn looked disbelieving."I'm in a friggin' corset and I can form full sentences.You can too."Christian sighed uneasily, but opened his mouth."Um...we're biblical characters, guys.Biblical." 


End file.
